I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
