i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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