I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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