I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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