Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
