I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
