If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize