Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I met the friendliest cop last night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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