I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
