I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
