Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
