9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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