while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
