omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
