Fine. I'll sleep in my office
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
