There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
