So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
