I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
