Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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