Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
