Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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