i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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