i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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