Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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