I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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