He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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