Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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