either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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