Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
