he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
