if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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