Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize