I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
