i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
