In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
