i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
