Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
