You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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