Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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