roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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