plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
