Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The air taste purple.
Randomize