the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
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I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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