he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Text me some of your sweat
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
