i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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