You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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