I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
