I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My ATM looks so different sober.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake