if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
