he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
