i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
