dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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