Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
