I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My pussy is not your playground.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
