I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
