And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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