i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
