I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
