everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
