Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
