Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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