found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
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Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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