I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
