I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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