this beer tastes like vomit already
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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