I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
