We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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