So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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