i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
