when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
