I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
