I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
