We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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