What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
