1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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