too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
