she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
