I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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