you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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